However, after a week of resting and relaxing (and playing Warcraft until I dropped), I was very excited to see Phoenix again. She and I talked and texted continuously for the duration of my vacation, but it was so good to actually see her face.
Speaking of her face, she had her full warpaint on because we are going out in Austin tonight, and she is incapable of doing her own makeup. So she had Lisa, her personal makeup artist, do it this morning before she left. And she looked fantastic, except for one thing...
I was taking her to meet my parents to have lunch before we drove to Austin. Now she looks like she is about to do a fucking porn scene! Brilliant. Don't forget that she also just did her nails, and now they also look great but very porn-ish as well.
We were eating at The Alamo Cafe, one of my favorite spots. I was itching for some chile con queso, and it couldn't come soon enough. My parents thankfully weren't too hard on Phoenix, and she conducted herself like a civilian, and not like a porn girl. Whew. It definitely could have been worse despite the full porn makeup (and telling them that we lived together as well).
After lunch, we drove the Chrysler Sebring rental up to Austin. It was only a one hour drive, and we just caught up on our current events, and enjoyed each others company.
After arriving at our hotel, which was strategically located on the corner of 7th and Congress, we napped for awhile, and just relaxed in our hotel room. Just kidding, we were naked pretty much immediately. I actually took some candid shots of us fooling around......
including blowjob...
fucking....
and even a surprise anal position. Yowzers!
After that serious sex session, we napped for a bit until it was close to 9pm. We had reservations at Pappasito's Cantina, my favorite Mexican food place in Texas.
We took a cab there, because I was going to get Phoenix drunk at dinner. Our waiter was a cool dude, and got us two Ultimate Waves immediately. Just for the record, an Ultimate Wave is a frozen margarita, frozen sangria swirled together and topped off with shots of Cointreau, Chambord, and Gran Marnier. Good stuff and gets you HAMMERED!
We had to have the chile con queso (again), and it was delicious!
For the main course, we shared a pound of beef and chicken fajita's with a side of bacon-wrapped shrimp. Also delicious.
It was at this point that one of the other waiters recognized Phoenix and asked our waiter to check and see. She said yes, and immediately half the fucking waitstaff wanted to get a polaroid with her. Hilarious. By the way, the gay bartender recognized Maxx Diesel, but that's neither here nor there now is it.
I forced her to drink a second Ultimate Wave and I had one as well, which probably wasn't the smartest idea we ever had. Even with eating dinner, those drinks hit us pretty hard. She is a lot like me, and when she drinks too much, she gets sleepy. We took a cab back to the hotel around 1130pm, and instead of wandering over to 6th Street (a famous party street in Texas), we ordered champagne and chocolate covered strawberries from room service, and stayed in to celebrate the new year.
Can anyone think of a better way to say good bye to 2008, than with Phoenix Marie, naked, drinking champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries (while wearing a tiara)? I think not.
When the clock struck midnight and 2009 began, it also signified the end of my 365 day journey through this blog. I have been going back and rereading all of my entries this last month, and most of them made me smile. My relationship with Phoenix Marie has been a running theme each month, and the fact that it turned out good in the end really makes me feel great. To be honest, this blog was a great way to vent my frustration at the people in this business, and a part of me just can't comprehend that its really over. But the last 2-3 months or so have been so serene and normal for me, that I just don't feel like continuing this blog is beneficial to me in any respect.
Another fact about the blog that I am proud of, is all of the dinners and outings with various porn stars throughout the year. But now, I would much rather spend my free time with Phoenix Marie, and even I understand that it would be extremely boring to read 78 straight blog entries about Phoenix. I will miss hanging out and getting to know different people better through this blog, but again, I value my free time with Phoenix. Plus I will save a boatload of money, I don't even want to guess how much I spent on food this year (I paid for every single dinner this year....and that's no joke).
I hope that I gave you, the reader, as unvarnished and truthful version of my life that I could. I think that this blogs popularity stems from the fact that even though most people don't want to actually be a porn star, they definitely wonder what the lives of porn stars are like. Tearing away that curtain to the world has been a great experiment for me, and I want to thank everyone who sent me an email asking me specific questions throughout the year.
I hope everyone who ever read this blog even one time, understands that my career in this business is much different from the average male performer, not just because of the scenes I do that no one else will, but the fallout from those choices I make. My way of dealing with that fallout is singularly my own, and there are plenty of people who disagree with the way I handle things. But I will always be myself, and this is how I choose to handle situations, agree or disagree, at least give me credit for fighting the good fight. I will never allow anyone to assassinate my character, or give people the impression that I am a dangerous person who actively wants to harm others in this business or myself. I think I dispelled the myths about myself that some people in this industry had.
Speaking of that, I honestly did not think that so many people within the business would read this blog. Or if they didn't read it, someone told them what I talked about that day. This business is about public relations much of the time, and when someone says something about someone else in the business that isn't a press release, they get upset. I received many phone calls questioning what I wrote about a particular person. Again, I was committed to being truthful and I can honestly say that I didn't make too many mistakes in that respect.
I think this blog let everyone see how much I value the friendship of the people close to me in this business. As lonely as this profession can get, friends will help carry you through. Which makes the unfortunate situation with the end of my friendship with Penny Flame stick out even more. That still does, and probably always will bother me, whether its one month, one year, or five years later. But it makes my friendship with Roxy Deville, Mark Wood, Lisa Ann, Kirstyn Halborg, Jonni Darkko, Derek Hay, and all of the other people that I confide in all the more special to me.
There were many times that I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to update the blog in a timely fashion. Remember I had to lug my laptop, digital camera, and camera cord to Asia, Europe, and South America. My blog has been written in Germany, London, Spain, Japan, Argentina, and Texas at different points of the year. I spent 2-3 hours a day writing each blog entry, when you consider I have to upload the photos, resize them, label them, edit them, and then write the blog entry, link all the pertinent sites, edit the entry, insert all the photos into the entry, and then do a final edit before it goes live. It was never a burden to do this blog, but it definitely consumed much of my free time. Free time that I will now have to spend with Phoenix (or playing WoW).
One facet of the blog that I had a lot of fun with was the affiliate programs that I became a member of. I took all of the companies that I did scenes for and became an affiliate, which means that when I send them traffic and a blog reader joins that particular site, I get a percentage of the signup fee, plus a percentage of any reoccurring fees. Fucked up Handjobs was my main moneymaker, with Naughty America's Tour a close second. In total, I made close to 4,500 bucks this year from this blog, which is pretty damn cool, and I want to take a moment to say thanks to anyone who bought even a trial membership to a site that I promoted. Very cool.
The success of this blog, my life, and my career are in large part because of my best friend in this world, Laura (last name not included - I included once early in the blog and got screamed at for about 30 minutes). Her guest blog entry was truly a stroke of genius, and she is definitely a much better writer than me. A daily blog of her life would be EPIC, and I would read that bad boy every morning for sure.
My father is also a huge influence on this blog. He was the one who drilled the phrase "Persistence and Determination are omnipotent" into my head throughout my formative years. I still use that phrase as a tool when things are tough and I need to rejuvenate myself into moving forward.
Laura has always been there for me, through the good times and the bad, when she loves me and when she wants to throw me off a bridge. Of the 289 scenes I did this year, exactly 40 scenes were for Naughty America, which is almost 15 percent of my total scenes. That's not too shabby, and that number of scenes is on par with my usual yearly workload for Naughty America. In 2007 I did 40 scenes for them, in 2006 - 41 scenes, and in 2005 when they first discovered me, 26 scenes. That's 147 scenes total completed for Naughty America in 4 years. Yes, it's true, Laura has been unbelievably good to me.
I struggle sometimes with the idea that Laura thinks we are friends solely because of our work relationship. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I have always been a cynical realist, and I know when my time working for Naughty America is finished, even then, Laura and I will continue to talk constantly, bicker constantly, and she will always be right as usual. Our relationship dynamic will never change, just my income. lol I can't imagine life without Laura in it, in some way shape or form. She is the rock that I use for strengthening myself in so many ways.
Although I dream about working for Naughty America on the business end of things (or maybe even working for a talent agency). Being on the business side of the industry would be a lot of fun for me, and I think I would be good at it. I talk to the corporate people of a various of companies, and I envy their jobs sometimes. Reality Kings, Brazzers, Bang Bros, New Sensations, Evil Angel, all would be fantastic companies to be a part of.
But I still love performing of course, and I think I am getting better each year. I am nowhere near the level of a Manuel Ferrara, James Dean, or even a Scott Nails, but I am content with knowing that I am definitely in the top tier of male performers. I have worked so hard to get to where I am now, no other male performer can say that they had to overcome more than I have.
That brings me to another point I wanted to talk about. Besides the time consumption of this blog, another reason to discontinue it, is the the fact that I want to scale back my presence on the internet this year.
When I first got started in this business, I worked pretty regularly even from the beginning. I have always been a computer guy, and I quickly found Adult DVD Talk, XXX Porn Talk, and Naughty Country Club, and started posting on there. Well, in my profession there is a HUGE amount of people who love to denigrate and throw stones at people like me. I was taking a lot of criticism from a multitude of people, and my internet presence helped stem the tide of hate, and brought people over to my side. I used the internet to show people that I was a good person who takes his job seriously. And my internet presence has gone up with each passing year. But I had sort of an epiphany in these past few months. After five years in this business, and proving to everyone that I am one of the best male performers out there, who am I proving myself to now? Does anyone see Manuel Ferrara on the net? Evan Stone? Tommy Gunn? Erik Everhard? Of course not, they are busy making money and living their lives. They are comfortable with their place in the porn hierarchy.....and to be honest, so am I. Let's face it, everyone in the business knows me, who I am, and what I am about. I am not changing anyone's opinion of me, so why am I still trying? The girls that have me on their no list, they don't read the blog, the Nikki Benz', Priya Rai's, Amy Reid's, Jayden James', and Ahryan Astyn's of the world aren't going to change their mind, no matter what I say or do at this point.
So that's now three legitimate reasons not to continue with this blog, my relationship with Phoenix Marie, the fact that I am not changing anyone's impression of me within the business, and the sheer time consumption of the blog itself.
I can walk away from my year with my head held high and a smile on my face. And that is the ultimate goal for any project I undertake in this life.
As for goals for 2009, I want to simplify my life in as many aspects as possible. Being around Phoenix has had such a positive effect on my psyche and overall view of this business in general, it's infectious. I have botched quite a few friendships and professional relationships in this business, and my goal is to repair the ones that I can. I hope this year contains a lot less drama, close to the same amount of money earned, and quite a bit more happiness personally. I guess we will see where this year leads.
Thanks again to everyone who has read this blog, contributed their two cents through a comment or email, and passed along my site to someone else. I am keeping this blog active for the entire 2009, and I might get a wild hair every now and then to throw up a word or three. Take care of yourselves and have a happy and fantastic 2009.
