I had a strange day filled with hidden highs and hidden lows. My life in 2014 has been very inconsistent business wise, but yet strangely intensely consistent personally. I spent the evening with one of my best friends from my university days, and we talked about our loves & lives for a few hours over a beer in Hollywood.
I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with Lexi Sindel. Our love is so intense that my heart aches when she is away from me for any length of time. This feeling started in November and has increased in frequency up to today.
She had a tough day at the office, and when she texted me this fact, I also began to feel anxious and grumpy. I wasn't working today, but I had a million errands to run, and not a lot of time to run them.
Let me tell you a little bit about Lexi. She is 32, has no children, has never been married, and is an extremely hard-working, responsible, and intelligent business owner. Lexi takes care of no less than 3 people, 1 of which is a family member. She bears these burdens without complaint and with resolute steadfastness. She does this because she genuinely cares about the people in her life, and the people who work so hard for her. This is one of the reasons why she is a fantastic and successful business owner. Never shying away from responsibility, but doing whatever she must in order to be successful.
We have a strange life together. I go to work 15-20 times a month and work with other girls. She goes to work 5-6 times a month and never shows or has shown herself naked on camera ever. This bothers me many days. I feel bad about our situation, and I think about her constantly throughout the day while we are apart. It's funny, never in my careeer have I thought about getting out of the business, or how my doing scenes adversely affects my relationship. This is new territory and frankly, just me thinking about this means that I am with the right person.
It took me a long time to get to where I am now relationship wise. I went through many trials & tribulations in my personal life. I discovered things I know about myself, and things I don't want to know about others. I closed my inner circle and cut out the people who I found were not going in the same direction I am. I made some mistakes in my relationships, as well as mistakenly getting into bad relationships.
I always figured I would be single in my life, that the girl I wanted and should have married in college, I fucked up and lost her. She is now married, has 2 children, and is teaching school somewhere. I would have been in the same position with her if I had played my cards differently.
But I went down a different path in life. I entered this strange & unique business in massive debt from the student loans of my 2 degree's, and not a lot of faith in ever paying it off. I made a promise to myself to work hard, treat people with honesty & integrity, and save my money. In a little over 10 years, I have changed my future 180 degrees and for that I am eternally thankful to this business.
Lexi Sindel and I met a year ago on the internet. I took her to dinner and spent 320 dollars on a meal for just the two of us. I was instantly captivated by her personality and charm. She on the other hand, pegged me for just another male performer. Six months later, I was given a second chance to date her....and I have made the most of my opportunity. We moved in together after a month of dating seriously and haven't looked back since. She has met my parents and they love her just like I do. I consider myself extremely lucky to have found her. She is motivated, intelligent, practical, responsible, and loving. Our relationship is the paragon of perfection. I couldn't ask for anyone better. In turn, I love her more than I have loved anyone ever in my life. With all my heart and every fiber of my being. Just saying that is a huge step for me. I was lost personally, I was swimming in circles, hoping & waiting for something & someone that wasn't ever there. Lexi threw me a life preserver and I grabbed it with my entire self.
Our lives are going to change in the next 3-6 months. And then hopefully change again as 2015 comes. I look forward to the new challenges, opportunities, and journey's. Lexi and I are going to make them together and the thought of that fills me with happiness.
I am writing this soliloquy for only one reason. To tell the world that I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Lexi Sindel you are the love of my life. I love you and I hope we are together until we are both old & grey. Life with you makes me want to be a better person. Being with you means moving forward and never, ever, ever going back to where I was. Thank you.