Okay, I admit the title of this entry is hackneyed and lame, but its 1am and I have just returned from a late dinner.
I am writing this blog entry from the city of Bangkok, Thailand. Well specifically from my hotel room near the city center about 50 meters from the main road.
I have been here for 6 days and I have 2 left before I leave and head to Australia for a 2 week vacation. I have done this 2 part trip 3 times now and each time has been interesting, magical, and most of all....profitable.
I haven't blogged in a long time, it's very hard to keep up with all of the affiliate work I am doing at the moment, and the extra time I am spending in the gym training (I just recently signed up for Ironman Texas in May 2014) much less try to blog consistently on here. I apologize, and I wish it were different as I love this little blog of mine.
I left the hotel around 12:30 and headed left toward the main road that travels through the city called Sukhumvit. Its lightly raining, which is normal for Bangkok and doesn't seem to affect either the locals or the western visitors. Some people carry umbrellas, but most just walk along through the light drizzle.
I have just finished another long day. I performed in 2 scenes, and both were condom scenes which makes it that much harder. After the second scene, instead of napping and recovering, I, as usual, hit the gym. The gym is fantastic here at my hotel. Its on the 16th floor and always empty, so I can turn most of the lights off, turn the AC off, and zone out while running long distance and then cycling. The heat and humidity are close to unbearable, even in the evening, but tonight its actually kind of breezy and the light rain keeps the heat at bay outside. I run/walk 7.54 miles in 90 minutes while listening to Jay Mohr's podcast interview with Guns N Roses bassist Duff McKagan, and then cycle another 60 minutes to finish off my workout. Since I am alone, I am shirtless, and wearing spandex cycling shorts with my running shoes.
As I walk through the street, I get many looks and stares from almost everyone. I am 39, 6'5 and about 240 pounds. I am wearing black hi-top tennis shoes, long black basketball shorts, a San Antonio Spurs t-shirt, and a white Texas Longhorns hat. I look like a professional football player or some sort of athlete/fighter. In truth I am barely a combination of both but mostly neither. lol
The Thai people are mostly Buddhists, so there are a plethora of spirit houses found on most properties for good luck. The locals all put their hands together and bow when they meet you as well. There are always beggars sitting along the sidewalks, holding out their cup for a few coins. The streets are besieged with all sorts of transient vendors, from cooked seafood, to VW vans that are converted into bars, to guys selling watches, stuffed animals, or fake sleeve tattoos. If you are into seafood, well there are about a million places that serve street food here.
I make it to the main road, and on the corner while waiting to cross, there is a huge pile of trash bags and trash. There are also almost always people picking and digging through it. Those people disturb the rats that are feasting on the refuse. I stop for a few minutes and watch 20 rats of various sizes scurry from the trash to the gutter nearby.
Finally I cross to the middle of the street, there are no walkways in this city nor do pedestrians ever have the right of way. There are some bridges that go over the street, but who is wasting time & energy doing that? lol
The producer Frank calls it playing "Frogger" and that's what it is. I realize that this reference is horribly dated but oh well. I make it to the other side and head down the street. My favorite restaurant in this area is a cool German place that serves big portions and has a great Wifi connection (my friend Joey Silvera first found this place I must admit). I order a large beer, some bratwurst, sauerkraut, and fried potatoes. The fried potatoes are delicious and I order an extra side of them. I don't drink a lot of beer, but I rather enjoy having one on late nights, because it helps me fall asleep.
The heat and humidity here in Bangkok make dehydration just a fact of life. There is no way around it, no matter how much water you drink. For me, it makes my ankles, feet, and lower legs really sore while laying down. This does not help me fall asleep as you might guess.
I finish eating, spend a few minutes messaging friends and acquaintances, and then head back to the hotel. I walk slowly and take in the sights and sounds of Bangkok. The rain has stopped, and the breeze is very refreshing. I make it back to my hotel and crawl into the shower. So many thoughts run throught my head while showering, but I guess that's normal for everyone.
I just turned 39 a month ago. I spent it alone in a hotel room in San Diego, like I have for the past few years now. And to be honest, thats just how I like it. I took the train down from Union Station in LA, and spent the 2.5 hour journey staring out at the ocean and thinking about my life, the past, the present, and future. I reach San Diego and walk 10 blocks to my hotel, take a mid-day nap, and then wake up, walk to the gym, and get a long cardio workout. Then I shower, eat a nice meal, and catch a movie alone at a nearly deserted theater. Then its back to my room, where I stare at the ceiling and once again, reflect on my life and where I am headed. That is how I fall asleep, then the next day I wake up and head home on the same train back to LA and my life in porn.
My life in porn is slowly but surely unravelling. I can slow down the process, but the end result is inevitable. Porn has undergone a huge paradigm shift, and a slew of factors have made the business much less lucrative than it was ten, five, even two years ago. Free porn proliferates around the internet, and many companies have gone out of business or stopped shooting scenes because of that fact and/or they continued to rely on the sales of DVD's and not the Internet. But even the subscription based internet sites are struggling. Additionally, there are more male performers (and female performers) than ever, and as work slows down, they simply cut back on spending and stay in the business. 5 scenes a month isn't enough to live on, unless you live with 3 other performers, and live day to day, check to check. Performing as a career is now only true for about 15-20 people, and the rest just hope to get another scene to make it to the next month.
I shot 25-30 scenes a month from 2004-2009, and then when I was directing for Naughty America from 2009-2011 I still shot 10-15 scenes each month as well. Then I moved to England for a year in a failed attempt to escape the industry in LA, and now that I have been back in LA for a year, my work has decreased to 15-20 scenes per month.
But all is not lost my friends. The paradigm shift in the adult industry has created some opportunity as well. If you are willing to work hard (and I most definitely am) than you can continue to earn money through new revenue streams.
I now webcam on Streamate whenever I can and 200-1000 dollars per month. I started my own website in October with the help of Bill Fox and earn 500-600 dollars per month from it. I started a Clips 4 Sale store last month and earned 400 dollars last month alone. And I have expanded my affiliate link empire continuously since 2008, and now I earn 1500-2000 dollars per month from it.
This means that I have become more independent than ever from the companies and directors in porno, which is a good thing. I need less scenes to reach my monthly goals and targets. But most importantly I can still save money each month. Protecting my future is the #1 goal each day when I wake up.
But I am still rather aimless at the moment. I have accomplished all my goals that I set for myself when I got into this business full time in January of 2004 and moved to Los Angeles from Las Vegas. I paid off 70k in student loans, I paid off all my credit card debt, my car is paid for, I have an IRA, a stock market account, and a big savings account. I have won 4 AVN awards, I produced and directed for Naughty America for 3 years, I have worked with almost all of the top stars, Lisa Ann, Julia Ann, Jesse Jane, Stoya, Bree Olson, Katsuni, Savannah Samson, Alexis Texas, Nikki Benz, Kimber James, Rachel Starr, Asa Akira, and many others. What else is left for me to do?
I have looked at the careers of the male performer veterans who are older than 40 and its not exactly a blissful landscape of prosperity. I know my career is on the downhill and it will only get worse from here.
But I am stuck because I still make roughly 120k a year with many obvious perks. Getting out of porn would most likely mean taking a civilian job for 40-50k a year. How can I take that kind of pay cut? I can't. But I know that if I stay in too long, then the chances of me becoming institutionalized and a porn lifer go up considerably. This conundrum haunts me daily and doesn't allow me to ever be truly happy and carefree.
I am going to spend this year trying desperately to figure out the correct path in life for myself. Maybe it will take me to another city, state, country, or continent. We will see.
So I am ending this longwinded and pedantic blog entry that went off on tangents, barely followed a coherent theme, and probably bored all of you to death with this quote that is my father's favorite and mine as well:
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” ~ Calvin Coolidge (30th President of the US, 1923-1929)
